Hello

Oh hi 2018...:)

TTC

Can you believe that it is already April?

And I have been absent here for so long. So much for the resolution to update this blog diligently this year....

So, the past few months...has been...interesting. Some of you might know that we (hubby and me) are TTC. TTC = Trying to conceive (the amount of jargons in the mummy and babies world is amazing). Maybe its God's will, but it's not an easy journey for us. Numerous visit to the doctor, 2 failed IUI cycles. The disappointed is inevitable but I will always remember what my doctor said - Disappointment will be there but do not be discouraged. We are thinking of trying IVF but still toying with the idea.

Sometimes it creeps up to me. Do we really want this? Are we ready to go through the challenges and bearing in mind it will only be a 50% success rate or less. It's a dilemma at times.

Family matters took a turn early this year. It was really disheartening at first but like what hubby always says, it is not as bad as we think. There is a silver lining in every cloud.

Work wise, I can be considered lucky to still have a secure job but honestly, motivations are slipping away. Need time out and re-evaluate everything.

SO, the past few months has been a roller coaster ride of emotions.

Yet, one thing I am proud of is we are getting stronger as a couple everyday. I am glad to have someone to soothe and give me words of encouragement. Without him, I would have maybe give up and run away from the challenges. Run away and hide.

So, I am not giving up yet. Bring it on.

Untitled

Day 15 into the new year.
How is 2016 treating you so far?
Hope it's going well.
As for myself, it's a very shakey start this year. Emotional roller coaster. Family, work. Nothing seems to be going as smooth as I wanted it. I know we can't always get what we want but is it too much to ask for a not so stressful start to the year? Trying to stay as positive as I can.
I guess at times it helps to walk away and let things sort out by it's own. Too much worrying won't do any good.
Time to blast the song "Let it go"....

Forgiveness

Forgiveness.
Powerful word.
Meaning:
Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

Easy to say that we must forgive and forget but definitely not easy to do.
It is not easy to let go of past painful experience. But is it worth the burden and sorrow? To put the blame and hold grudge against someone? Especially if it's a family member?

Learn to let go and forgive. Learn to be tougher from the experience. Learn to have compassion and love again.

And never underestimate the power of forgiveness.

Picture taken from emetministries.org

2016 for better or worse?

Second day to year 2016. How time flies. I have this sudden urge to pen down a few words here. No, not for new year resolutions. Haven't had any since few years back.
New year means new beginning for many. It means a chance for us to throw away all the bad things and give ourselves a clean slate to start anew.
Yes, I am guilty of thinking like that. But in reality, everyday can be a new year. Everyday can be a fresh start.
Let's rewind a bit to 2015. A year of ups and downs. I have things to be grateful and things that I can't wait to flush out. I am grateful I still have a job, given the turbulence in the industry now but yet, I resent my job at times. I am grateful to have spent quality time with family, friends and loved ones but yet, I wish I had a chance to travel for work to a faraway land. I am grateful to have some holidays but I could have planned for a longer and more adventurous travel. I am grateful for good health but yet, I feel disappointed that we have not got what we hope for 2015.
So, ups and downs.
Year 2016 will be a challenging year. I can foresee that. Am I geared up to face it? Time will tell.
Happy New Year peeps and stay strong.

S.O.S

When you know you are drowning and you are too tired to scream for help, what else can you do?

When you want to give up but is too afraid to do so, what else can you do?

When you know you are loathing yourself for feeling like shit, what else can you do?

In times like this, I choose to be ignorant. It's foolish, but it just feel a lot better to hide it. Foolish I know but I believe one day it will all be fine.

I must learn to count my blessings and look at the things that make me happy.

I can't wait for a new year but then, everyday can be a new year to stat afresh. I don't know what I want but I know what I don't want. But yet, I have no other choice.

To my dear self - Hang in there, stay afloat in the dark and the sun will shine again.

Hazed

For real...
This year has got to be one of the worst. But like my colleague said, we don't know yet! It might get worse every year from now on.
What can, we as civilians do about it? Sigh....When no one on the top is taking it seriously...

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Ventricular ectopics

A little more than a month ago, I had a scare.
I was having palpitations/ irregular heartbeat for over a week. It was the second time I am feeling it but the first only lasted two days. It wasn't like the fast heartbeat when you are about to meet your crush or your favourite movie star. It's hard to describe, like a forced heartbeat that you can feel.
Initially, I brushed it off thinking it will go away after 2 days but it did not. It was not painful or anything but just discomfort as I can feel the forced heartbeat 2 or 3 times in a minute. It's more to annoyance.
The weird thing is I can feel it more when I am sitting down - in office, in the car. When I am active and going about more active tasks, I don't feel it that much.
I went to do a thorough check up. First, a Q&A session with the doc. Then a blood test, followed by ultrasound and ECG of the heart. I was put on a stress test as well. Doc asked me how long I can run, and he really stressed my heart to the max. I was panting and sweating in a fully air conditioned room.
All the tests turned out negative. My heart is fine. So what could be causing it? The Doc then asked me to put on a Holter to monitor my heartbeat for 24 hours. I had wires all over my body for the next 24 hours and I still need to go back to the office. Luckily for me, the clothes I wore that day can conceal it.
That also means no shower for the day...yucks...after all the sweating earlier...
The results next day shows that I indeed have a thing called ventricular ectopics. It's benign and I have nothing to worry about. Causes can be caffeine, stress. So I was on doc's order to avoid coffee for 2 weeks. I managed to refrain myself for 5 days. I felt it less and less until I decided to just try a small cup of latte. And it really came back. Luckily it was gone the next day.
I don't consider myself a coffee addict but I do get the cravings now and then. It's been more than two weeks now that I am back on coffee. More on the local coffee that is. I tried a cup of latte again a couple of days ago and nothing happened. Yay...

It's itching again

After a long hiatus, I finally got the itch to blog again.
Blogging is somehow consider outdated now as we have other social media platforms that is more real time and up to date. But still, nothing can beat blogging.
Wondering if anyone out there is still reading this? :P
Keep tuned in for more updates!

王力宏 Wang Leehom《七十億分之一》"7 Billion to 1" Official MV

Love love love....to all the special people in my life. Each of you means a lot...good or bad, you made up part of my life.